Bradys

Just a quick update for now. I'll probably write more later, but I'm still processing the concern and disappointment right now.

I talked with Phoebe's nurse about an hour ago.  She is having some episodes of bradycardia (bradys=heart rate dips) again. Last night around 4:00 am, she went all the way down to 39 and needed some mild stimulation coming back up. Would you please pray with us that these bradys stop? At this point, they are still thinking the bradys are being caused by prematurity or her anemia, but the older she gets, the less she’s supposed to be having these. They are the only thing keeping her in the hospital, and they are serious enough that she must stay in the NICU at least an extra week after each brady. While we certainly want her to come home, we most want her to be healthy and well and to not be having these heart rate dips.

Thank you so much for your prayers for our little preemie and for our family. We know God is at work and holds her in His hand, and we are just trying to keep that in mind and rest in His timing. Sometimes it's hard to do that, especially when I'm worried, but I'll get there.

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

Once the Christmas decorations start showing up in stores...you know, in October ... I start singing that song to my kids. Well, sorta. I sing the verses I can remember, or some wrong combination of verses. I'm not gonna lie, I get a definite degree of pleasure out of walking through Target singing that song while Joshua tries to get me to stop embarrassing him!  David and Andrew could care less if people look at me funny and of course, Phoebe has yet to experience that certain kind of torture. So right now Joshua carries all the weight of my public silliness. He can handle it and some days I can even get him to sing along!

I'm still singing that song this Christmas season, but every once in a while, I throw in a little "I'll Be Home for Christmas." But I sing that in the NICU when I'm sitting with Phoebe. I'm just trying to subtly get her on board with the idea of being home for the holidays. Because it is totally up to her. I tried to explain to her that there's this big family holiday coming up and wouldn't it be wonderful if all four of my kids could be home for it. I told her about Santa and stockings, about our traditional Christmas Eve finger foods dinner, about how Chris and I take turns eating her advent calendar chocolate, about how it's taken us a whole week just to get the tree in the living room and the lights on it and that hopefully we'll get the ornaments on by December 25. Of course, she could care less about all that and just wants me to focus on feeding her. So I sing "I'll Be Home for Christmas" as my personal way of brain-washing my little preemie into stopping these silly bradys so she can come home. Am I slowly losing it? Yeah, maybe. :-)

But back to Phoebe: she continues to do very well. She's now eating as much as she wants (up to 2 oz) every 4 hours. She moved from 24 calories/ml formula to 22 cal/ml. Her body temp has been good. Her CBC came back on Friday and showed that her blood count is on the rise and her anemia is slowly improving. She is now 5 lbs 3 oz. She hasn't gained any weight since Friday, which was also the day her formula changed and she moved to 4 hour feedings, so they aren't too concerned with that. Her blood oxygen levels have been good for a while, so today they removed her from the pulse ox monitor.  All in all, she's just doing fantastic.

Except for those bradys! I haven't checked in with her nurse in about 6 hours, but the last brady I know about was Saturday evening around 7:30. She dipped pretty low on this one, into the 40s, and needed some mild stimulation to come back up. Lately, all of her bradys have been self-stimulated, so this mild-stim one was a little surprising. Dr. Lantzy said he wasn't sure what to make of it and that we'd just watch and wait. At this point, her bradys are the only thing keeping her in the hospital. And I'm trying to keep things in perspective: if she has to stay in the hospital for Christmas, it really will be OK. Her growing in a safe environment is more important than anything else right now.

So our prayer request: please pray that her body gets about its work and that she does not have any more episodes of bradycardia. Please also pray that her anemia continues to improve. She has another neuroscan today (Monday) so please throw in some prayers for that to have all good results as well. Thank you!!

This past Friday, one of the sweet girls who babysits for us occasionally watched the boys so Chris and I could go to the hospital together for a while and then sneak in a quick date for our anniversary. Chris got to feed Phoebe for the first time in a while and I realized that I am going to have major sharing issues when she comes home. Then on Saturday, we took the boys downtown for a little Christmas outing to see the sights. It was a beautiful day and everyone had a lot of fun.

That night, Joshua slept over at a friend's house. It sounds like they had a lot of fun, but Joshua did get a little blue at bedtime and want to call home. I think he's processing Phoebe's hospitalization in his own way. It's good for me to remember that this journey is affecting the boys as well.

When we were eating lunch on Saturday, two different waitresses commented about me being a mom of three boys. When I told the first one about Phoebe, I suddenly realized I am no longer a mom of all boys. I have a daughter!  There is pink in my house! Whoa. :-)

As always, thank you so much for your prayers for our little preemie and for your encouragement and support for me and Chris! 

Here We Sit Like Flies on a Garbage Can...

So as many of you know, that's a tried and true camp song. "Here we sit like flies on a garbage can...waiting for our food." (Oops, now I'm going to have that song in my head all night.) Anyway, I'm not waiting for food, I'm waiting for my little preemie to come home. And some days I do feel like pounding on the table and screaming, like the kids (and counselors!) do at camp. :-)

Today was one of those days. By all accounts, Phoebe had a very typical preemie day. She ate all of her bottles, but got really tired with some of them and required extra work. She had two heart rate dips today: one with me sitting right beside her at 11:00 am and one sometime after 7:00 pm. It is not unusual for a preemie her gestational and chronological age to still be having bradys. BUT...yesterday we were told that her Dr. was considering her for discharge much sooner than we expected. So I got all excited and caught up in that idea. We started making plans for Chris to be home and for what needed to be done to be ready for her at home.  But then she had that first brady and the timeline automatically changed. Now we have to add 5-7 days to her stay before she can be considered for discharge.

"Here I sit like flies on a garbage can..."

I was so disappointed. I knew what the brady meant as soon as it happened, but Mary Ann had to break the official decision to me. I must've looked so sad.  Which is kinda silly, because she is still doing so well. She's eating by bottle...she's in an open crib...she's gaining weight...her PDA murmur closed and her PPS murmur doesn't seem to be causing any problems.  Her infection cleared, her lungs cleared, she has no brain bleeds, her ears passed, no evidence at this point of retinopathy of prematurity in her eyes.  She turns her eyes to sound, especially her mommy's voice. And she feels more like a newborn baby and less like a preemie every day.  She's doing great!  You should see some of the babies in that NICU. Some of them have vents and computers and contraptions I've never seen before. Some of them can't be handled because they are too fragile. Some don't get visited much, if at all. Some will go home to a life more hectic than the hospital.  From the outside looking in, it's obvious they are struggling more than Phoebe has. I am SO GRATEFUL that her journey has been fairly gentle and fairly unremarkable. And my heart goes out to those babies and their families who are walking a journey we very well could've walked.

And yet..."Here I sit like flies on a garbage can..."

I just want her to come home. I'm tired of going to the NICU. I'm tired of having to cut my time with all of my kids in half. I'm tired of looking for parking spots on Friendship Ave so I don't have to pay to park in the garage. I'm tired of scrubbing my hands like I have OCD (I'm getting worse and worse about it). I'm tired of double checking with someone else if it's OK for me to hold my baby. I'm tired.

Thankfully, I serve a God who is in that NICU with all those babies and their parents:

²⁸ Have you never heard?
      Have you never understood?
   The Lord is the everlasting God,
      the Creator of all the earth.
   He never grows weak or weary.
      No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
 ²⁹ He gives power to the weak      and strength to the powerless.
 ³⁰ Even youths will become weak and tired,
      and young men will fall in exhaustion.
 ³¹ But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
      They will soar high on wings like eagles.
   They will run and not grow weary.
      They will walk and not faint.

Phoebe will come home when she's ready. There are families with babies in that NICU who would give anything to just be worrying about bradys and anemia. We can be patient. God has been at work in little Phoebe's life from the very beginning and He's at work now. She'll come home in His time, not mine.

So now, my heart sings a new song:

In His time, in His time,
He makes all things beautiful in His time.
Lord, my life to You I bring,
May each song I have to sing,
Be to You a lovely thing, in Your time.

In Your time, in Your time,
You make all things beautiful in Your time.
Lord, my life to You I bring,
May each song I have to sing,
Be to You a lovely thing, in Your time.

Doesn't she look peaceful? It's like she and God have a plan and we just need to trust them!

Thanks for reading along as I process this phase of our journey! And thanks for praying along!

Phoebe's Progress 12-1-10

OK, first: snow? Really? I so do not have time for this. :-)

Anyway, Little Miss Phoebe is doing really well. She is now up to 5 lbs 2 oz and eating 40 ml per feeding (about 1 1/3 oz). She's been eating just about every feeding by bottle so her nurse pulled her NG tube tonight. I walked in to the NICU and surprise! I could see her upper lip!


She has Angels' Kisses just like Joshua and David, but I'm sure they'll fade. It doesn't matter...she's beautiful and perfect!

Phoebe has had a really good week so far. I am thrilled to report that we are beginning to talk about when she might come home! In order to come home, she has to (1) maintain her own body temp, (2) eat all her feedings by bottle, (3) continue gaining weight, and (4) not have any bradycardic episodes for at least 7 days. She also needs to get her anemia under control, or at least improving. She's doing really well with 1,2 and 3. We just need to get her to stop having occasional bradys and for her red blood cell count to come up. We're getting close! We can't wait for her to come home, but of course, we don't want her to until her little body is ready so we are trusting the Drs and nurses decisions. We'll be ready for her to join us whenever she is.

Of course, by "ready" I mean, "happy and excited." We still don't have anywhere for her to sleep and the girl clothes we've received as gifts are still being stored in a corner of our office/play room and in her NICU drawer. My bed rest table and baskets are still by my side of the bed, which is where Phoebe will sleep in her bassinet as soon as I get that all put away and we find, clean and set up the bassinet.  I still haven't sorted out where her clothes will be stored. She'll be sleeping in our room, but should I keep her clothes in David's room/her future room? Or should I make some sort of temporary drawers for her in our room?  And I should probably, you know, dust and vacuum. :-) Ehhh, we'll figure all that out.  I'm not worried, we'll get everything ready in due time. I just want to get her home and get about the business of building our family's new normal.

Not the last embarrassing picture she'll have to deal with!

Thank you so much for your prayers for our little preemie. Look at how she's gained from them! I just cannot say thank you enough for your prayers and encouragement. It's really humbling, you know? I have been changed by this experience in so many ways and I thank God for His faithfulness, comfort and guidance, and for your friendship, prayers and support.

We are a blessed family.

Cold Stressing and Mom Stressing

Today (Sunday) was a big day for Phoebe. Around 2:00 pm, her incubator bed was turned off, which means it was no longer keeping her warm. The doors were left open and Phoebe's job was to get adjusted to room temperature and maintain her own body temperature. I visited her at 5:30 and when I left at 7:00, she had just been moved to a new room. When I returned to the hospital at 10:30 pm for another visit, she was already out of her incubator and in an open crib...or as we call it, a big girl bed. :-) Her weight tonight was 4 lbs 13 oz, which is a nice little gain from yesterday.


 This is all definitely good news, but it seems like the "cold stressing" happened pretty quickly. She went from a heated incubator (at a low temp, but still heated) to an open crib in about 7 hours. That seems fast!  Then, when I was giving her a bottle at 11:00 pm, she had a brady (heart rate drop). She hadn't had one since Thursday. I don't know if it was related to the cold stressing, or to the stress of bottle feeding, or just to prematurity. Nonetheless, it's a little scary when your baby's heart rate drops while you're holding her! She came back up pretty quickly, but she ended up taking the last 5 ml of that bottle via her NG tube. I cuddled with her for a few minutes and tucked her back in to her big girl bed and she was sound asleep when I left.

So it was mostly a good day, but that brady was a bummer. Hopefully she will quickly get adjusted to her new job of maintaining her body temp so she can concentrate on doing better with her bottles. Right now, she's doing pretty well taking every other feeding by bottle. If they try to get her to take two feedings in a row by bottle (like we did tonight), she tends to have a hard time.

So our prayer request remains the same: please pray that Phoebe stops having bradys, maintains her body temp, keeps gaining weight, and gets a handle on bottle feeding. Thanks!

Today was also a big day for the boys. Despite David and I having colds, we went to Grupp's Christmas Tree Farm and cut down our Christmas tree. We'd never done that before, but it seemed like a nice little treat for the boys. And we figured we could go and get our tree without sharing any of our germs!  It worked out...the boys had a blast. The weather was beautiful, the farm wasn't too crowded (we went during the Steelers game), and we feel good about our selection.

Yesterday (Saturday) was also a big day. We celebrated David's 3rd birthday with family and then I took grandparents and aunts to visit Little Miss Phoebe.

Chris's mom made the cake...David LOVED it!

It's kinda weird going on with life while Phoebe is in the hospital. I want to be there with her all the time, and want to be with Chris and the boys, too. On the one hand, I want to do fun outings and activities with the boys, especially since I couldn't during the bed rest. But on the other hand, I feel guilty doing those things instead of going to the hospital.  What an absolute blessing it will be when I can be with everyone at the same time!!

Happy Thanksgiving from All SIX Of Us!

Normally we spend Thanksgiving in our hometown, Wheeling. But with Phoebe in the hospital, we decided to stay home for the holiday. We visited Phoebe in the NICU in the morning and took our first family picture with all six of us. It was wild for sure...but our nurse was patient and we got a couple good shots. And it was exciting to be able to disconnect Phoebe from the monitors for a few minutes for the picture. After that we headed home and had a delicious turkey dinner. Then I went back to the hospital for a little while and Chris and the boys had a movie night.

Meanwhile, our favorite NICU nurse and friend, Mary Ann, worked that afternoon and surprised Phoebe with a 1st Thanksgiving outfit!! I just cannot say enough about what a blessing she has been for us.

Yes, it's a tad big, but it was perfect!

So our first Thanksgiving at home wasn't exactly traditional, but it was filled with blessings.

Phoebe is still doing well. She's been having one or two bradys each day lately, and we're praying she outgrows those soon. She didn't have any today. She's still taking every other feeding by bottle and doing pretty well with that and her bed temp is down just about as low as it will go. The current plan is to leave her in her incubator until she's gotten a little better with her bottles so she doesn't burn too many calories at once. It's hard work for a little preemie to eat by bottle and maintain her own body temp. She's up to 4 lbs 10 oz., which is excellent, and we don't want to stress her so much that she stops gaining or even loses weight.

Last week, when she had a CBC, her hemoglobin and hematocrit had gone down again. It's been low consistently, and the numbers were pretty low last week. But her reticulocytes were high, which apparently means she is making new blood and they are hopeful that her other levels will rebound. They will do a CBC again on Wednesday.

So our request: Please pray that Phoebe's blood count comes up. Please also pray that she continues to mature and that she "gets" bottle feeding and is able to maintain her body temp and that she continues to gain weight. And please pray that she stops having bradys (heart rate drops).


Apparently, preemies put their hands up like this when they are overstimulated and can't settle because of what's happening. In this case, "what's happening" was her mom taking the blanket off the top of her bed and taking her picture because she was wearing a sleeper for the first time!

Hope you had a blessed Thanksgiving and are enjoying the weekend! We are spending our Saturday having a birthday party with family for our son, David. He turns 3 on December 7.

God Has a Special Place in His Heart for Little Phoebes

A friend of mine messaged me recently and told me the story of her mom. Her mom's mom had health problems and was advised against ever getting pregnant. When she did get pregnant, this strong woman of faith pressed on.  A few months later she went in to pre-term labor and her daughter...my friend's mom...was born early. She was tiny and badly bruised from the trauma of the troubled delivery. But she made it, and she went on to raise three beautiful daughters in the same faith her own mother displayed. My friend's mom's name...is Phoebe. So my friend told me this story and then said this: I think God has a special place in His heart for little Phoebes. I agree.

As for my little Phoebe, she had a pretty good day. She had one brady this morning; hopefully she'll mature out of those soon. She did so-so with her bottles today, but her nurses only tried to bottle feed her twice. Her weight tonight was 4 lbs 6.9 oz. Her bed temp was down to 28.9 when I was there this afternoon, and one of the neonatalogists, Dr. Lantzy, told me that around 28.5 is when they start thinking about moving the baby to an open crib. So she's getting close.  I really like Dr. Lantzy. I talked to him tonight because he answered the phone for the NICU and must have seen the caller I.D. so he asked how I was doing and we talked about Phoebe. He's the Dr. who examined Phoebe in the delivery room and took her to the NICU and began her care. He's also the Dr. who told Chris he was impressed with how calm he was. :-)

One new prayer request: Phoebe will get a CBC tomorrow. Last week, her blood count was low, so we're praying it goes up tomorrow.

I hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving! Chris, the boys and I are visiting Phoebe in the morning, then coming home to prepare our first Thanksgiving meal at home. We're excited! I'm, of course, sad that Phoebe will spend her first Thanksgiving in the NICU, and we'll miss our extended family celebrating in Wheeling.  But it's OK because we certainly have a lot to be thankful for this year.

Phoebe's Progress 11/22/10

Phoebe is now officially one pound heavier than her birth weight! She weighed in tonight at 4 lbs 6 oz. It may sound crazy, but I think you can actually see the added weight, especially around her face and arms. She still has her cute little chicken legs, though! :-)

Phoebe had a good day. She was apparently cranky overnight, but she was peaceful and content for Mary Ann all day. I guess she just missed Mary Ann!  Once again, I had to just sit by her bedside for a couple hours without holding her or touching her. I still have this cold, and though it is improving, I really don't want to risk getting her sick. I don't want to risk getting any of the other babies sick either, so I kept a mask with me and ran out of the room if I felt a need to cough.

No bradys today, she took several bottles by mouth, and her bed temp continues to come down. Slowly, she is inching closer and closer to coming home. I realized today that I'm actually looking forward to late night feedings, the smell of A & D ointment, and that mental fog brought on by lack of sleep!

Chris and the boys got the Christmas lights up outside today. It was such a beautiful day, so as soon as school was over we headed outside and played and then "helped" Chris. We also put Andrew's new booster car seat in the van so we can try to teach him to buckle his own seatbelt because he'll move in the backseat with Joshua when Phoebe comes home. I wonder how many times I'll have to pull over the van because Andrew has unbuckled his seatbelt??!! And I wonder how many times I'll have to threaten to pull over the van because Andrew and Joshua are bothering each other??!!

Patience

What a gorgeous day today was!  

Anyway, while David and Andrew were napping and Chris was letting Joshua help mow the lawn (which he found fun today, I'm thinking not so much when he's older), I headed to the hospital to see Phoebe. I have a cold, so I didn't take her out of her incubator. I just sat by her bedside and talked with her nurse. She's doing OK; she had three bradys today, which is high for her lately, but otherwise she's doing well. Her nurses are slowly getting her adjusted to eating by bottle and gradually decreasing the temperature of her bed so she has to maintain her own body temperature. As much as we want her to do all these things right away so she can come home, it's better for her to go slowly and let her set the pace. That way she won't get overstressed and risk setbacks. And this approach seems to be working well for her: she's now up to 4 lbs 5 oz! She is almost a whole pound heavier than her birth weight!


Our little angel

We don't know when Phoebe will come home. It all depends on how she does the next couple weeks with bottles and body temp. And she won't be discharged if she's had a brady within 7 days. So we are just praying for her to be ready to join her family in God's perfect timing. And if that could happen by Christmas, that would be awesome. :-)

When we were praying tonight, Joshua said something in his prayer that has stayed on my mind. He said, "God, if Phoebe isn't able to come home in time for Christmas presents, please let her get to do something even better."  I think what struck me so much about that is the wisdom in it. Sometimes, the absolute best thing I can imagine pales in comparison to God's plan. So while what I really want is for Phoebe's Christmas presence, what I most want is for her to receive the best God has planned for her.

Kangaroo Care

Well, it didn't take very long to get back to my usual self. Here I am at 3:10 am finishing up some items on my "to do" list. I fell asleep watching TV with Chris...actually, that's not really accurate because I don't think I ever actually watched a second of TV. I think my eyes were closed before Chris even sat down on the couch! :-) Anyway, I napped for a couple hours, then woke up and remembered I had some things to do. Oops!


 Phoebe's doing well. I got to give her another bottle today, cuddle with her and give her a quick bath. She's enjoying the bottles for the most part. Her nurse tonight told Chris that she fed her through her tube at 11:00 pm and afterward she was really cranky as if she didn't realize her tummy was full. No bradys today, only a couple desats. She does have a little bit of a stuffy nose, which could mean a few different things. One thing it could mean is that she's starting to have some reflux, which can be miserable for infants, especially for little preemies. So please pray that it's not reflux and that it's nothing serious.

Phoebe and I got to enjoy a special time together today: I tried Kangaroo Care. That's skin to skin contact, like she was in my little kangaroo pouch, and it was wonderful. I could've stayed there all day!

Is this weird to put online? I can't help it! Look how content she looks!

Speaking of stuffy noses, Chris and I both have a cold. So we're not really sure what do to now. On the one hand, we probably shouldn't visit her and risk getting her sick (hopefully we haven't done that already). On the other hand, I can't really imagine not seeing my daughter at least once a day. Please pray that we get over this illness quickly and that we stay healthy...and that we make the wise decision about visiting. Thanks!

The boys are doing well. Joshua's at a sleepover birthday party with friends, and we went to Eat n Park with only Andrew and David tonight. We realized we were there with only half of our children! It was weird...though we did get a chance to actually talk with each other some! :-) I just realized that was my first time in a restaurant since August! Maybe I should've picked something a little nicer than Eat n Park...but the boys love the "cookie restaurant." ha ha!

Speaking of the boys, Andrew is all about jets right now and he LOVES making shapes.

Guess I should get to bed! Have a wonderful weekend, friends!

Phoebe's Progress 11/18

I cannot wait until Phoebe is home. Chris and I were talking about our Christmas cards tonight and I used the phrase "all four kids." I love the sound of that. I can't wait until Phoebe's in the mix adding to the noise and chaos. But while I am so eager for the day she comes home, I don't want her to come home until she's ready. So right now, I am trying to figure out patience and she's trying to figure out growth and maturity. Sometimes I think she's doing a better job that I am! I've got my own growing and maturing to do! :-)

In the meantime though, our little preemie had another pretty good day. She had a couple bradys this morning but other than that, her day was unremarkable...and that's good. She's up to 4 lbs 1.4 oz.  I got to give her a bath and feed her a bottle this afternoon, and true to the Zambito/Richmond blood in her, she gobbled up just about every ml of that bottle. :-) While I was feeding her, I got to talk with her primary nurse, Maryann, who is actually a friend of mine from Camp Concern. How blessed we are that one of her nurses is someone who already knows our family!! Maryann visited me when I was hospitalized at 24 weeks and gave Chris a tour of the NICU. She has been a blessing to us and I know she'll continue to be.


After eating her whole bottle!

Last night, Chris went to visit Phoebe in the NICU by himself and got to give her a bottle and hold her for a while. Shortly after he got there, she was very cranky, so he took the following picture. HE is the one who added the caption.  :-)

"Oh no, not DADDY!!"

Ha ha!  You can really see in this picture where they shaved her head looking for a vein for an IV. She looks like she has a receding hairline!

In other news... :-) ...I went back to Target tonight and made up for all the money we saved while I was on bed rest and couldn't go. You know it's a bad sign when the cashier shakes her head at you and says, "I'm not saying a word" when the total comes up. Yikes! In my defense, though, I did buy several Christmas presents, in addition to some supplies we just needed. Of course, Chris may have a different take on the word "needed." :-) It was good retail therapy, though, and I am just about finished with all of the Christmas shopping.

The boys are doing well. Joshua's going to a sleepover birthday party at a friend's house tomorrow (Friday) night and he spent some of this evening picking out the perfect lightsabre to take. Andrew is being his normal goofy self. He got in some trouble today for giving me some attitude, but it was in his usual way..."Andrew: Can we watch jets on the computer? Me: Not now. Andrew: Mommy, I want to watch jets. Me: Sorry, buddy, but not now. Andrew: Mommy, I want to watch jets. 3...2...1...don't make me say 4!" Ha ha! Oh, my, that boy. David is good; he entertained his brothers after dinner by pretending to fall off his chair over and over and laughing his full head off everytime. It's so good to be back in the middle of everything with my family. And soon, Little Miss Phoebe will be here too, adding her own unique touch.

11/17 Prematurity Awareness Day

Today was a good day.


A full tummy...on Mommy's lap...what could be better?!

My friend, Shauna, watched the boys for me this afternoon (thank you thank you thank you thank you) so I could visit Phoebe for a few hours. After getting her report and spending some time at her bedside, her nurse asked me if I wanted to see what she thought of a bottle. My reply was, "Absolutely!" Phoebe is still a little young to move to regular bottle feedings, but she does seem to be ready to start trying it out, and I was thrilled to get to be there for it. Full disclosure: this same nurse gave Phoebe her first bottle yesterday, but this was MY first time bottle feeding her. So, this one counts more. :-) Anyway, yesterday Phoebe was able to get about 15 ml down before getting too tired and finishing her meal via her tube. With me today, she got about 24 ml down before getting tired and got her last 10 ml through the tube. I gotta be honest: it was so exciting! And she did wonderfully! No "As" or "Bs"... no "desats"...she remembered to breathe while also sucking and swallowing. What a great "first!" She had been a bit constipated so they gave her some medicine to help with that and the medicine definitely worked...all over her! So I got to change a very messy, stinky diaper. Who knew a tiny, little preemie could make that much of a mess??!! Her brothers would've been so proud.

Overall, Phoebe is still having a  pretty good preemie course. Her murmur does seem to have reopened, which is disappointing, and it will have to be watched. But so far she is asymptomatic, so her nurses encouraged us not to worry too much about it. Of course, that's impossible, but it's still good encouragement. :-)

Chris is going to get confirmation on this when he visits her tonight, but when I called at 9:00 pm to check on her, Phoebe's nurse said she was just above 4 lbs. This would be a nice little gain from yesterday and would also mean that soon they may start trying to see if she can maintain her body temperature in an open crib. So many little and big things have to be achieved before we can even ask about her coming home, and that's one of them. We know we have several more weeks to go before we can bring her home, but it's exciting to see her moving in the right direction.

Oh, I almost forgot: I got to talk about my little preemie on WORD-FM for a few minutes this afternoon for their segment on National Prematurity Awareness Day. That was really fun...and I loved the chance to share the story of how our friends and family have lifted us on their shoulders and carried us through the last 3 months.

So...this has been a good day. We've been told that we should celebrate the good days so we can weather the bad ones, and that's what we're doing. What a blessing this good day has been.


PS: Please join me tonight in praying for the friend of a friend, who is currently in the hospital trying to stop pre-term labor. She's 31 weeks and carrying twins. Thanks!

Is That OUR Phoebe, Mom?

We've known that Phoebe and I were in a high risk pregnancy since I was exactly 20 weeks along. We were at my 20 week ultrasound when the radiologist informed us that I had a medical condition that could be problematic and sent us to the hospital. Only minutes before, we had found out that we were having a GIRL after our three boys, and suddenly having a girl was the least interesting thing about this pregnancy.

So after being discharged from the hospital that evening to go on bed rest at home, we sent out prayer requests. And we (mostly I) sent out prayer requests via email whenever something new was going on. When I was hospitalized 4 weeks later, at 24 weeks, we really stepped up the prayer requests. And our friends answered the request for prayers in more ways than we could have imagined. People hit their knees on our behalf. Our ministers and an elder came to the hospital and prayed for Phoebe while standing over my hospital bed. Facebook friends we haven't seen in years lifted us up in prayer.  And God answered those prayers.  Within hours of being admitted, we went from "Phoebe is coming ANY MINUTE", to "let's see if we can buy you another 5-6 days." And of course, much to the medical staff's surprise, Phoebe didn't come until 6 WEEKS after that initial hospitalization. This was not by luck or chance or by medical intervention...this was God answering the prayers of humble people. Amazing.

Recently, it hit me just how amazing that is and how blessed we've been. My friend, Carnel, told me on Facebook the following story about the co-op we both usually attend and something her young son, Stephen, said. I think Stephen is 4 yrs old:

Heather, after Maree prayed this morning for Phoebe, Stephen came up to me and whispered, "Is that OUR Phoebe, mom?" It's funny that he only knows her through our prayers at home so she must be ours.

Well that just floored me. This little guy has taken such ownership of his family's prayers for our little daughter that she feels like she's his Phoebe. I am so humbled and grateful for that. I look at her in her little incubator and think, "You are so blessed to have so many people on your side...and most of them haven't even met you yet!" Some of them don't even know us, they've just heard about our journey and felt compelled to join us in prayer and thought!

If you are reading this and have prayed for our family and our little Phoebe, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you SO MUCH. I cannot come up with words that are eloquent enough to express my gratitude. Your prayers helped sustain my pregnancy when it was in danger, then after I was hospitalized at 24 weeks, it bought her 6 more weeks in the womb. That has changed her experience in the NICU drastically. A 24 weeker's chances and challenges are very different from those of a 30 weeker. I'm not saying she's out of the woods; she is little and may face challenges.  But her life so far has been dramatically changed by you.  THANK YOU for making such a difference in the life of this little girl who I believe will have a powerful testimony of love, friendship and faith before she can even talk.



Phoebe, holding Daddy's ring



Phoebe's Progress 11/15/10

There have definitely been times in my life when I really wished I could be in two places at once. But I have never wanted that more than I do now. When I am home with Chris and the boys, I feel like I should be at the hospital with Phoebe. When I am at the hospital, I love every second of holding and cuddling Phoebe, but I feel like I should be home with the boys since they had to tolerate 10 weeks of bed rest and with Chris, who earned several new gray hairs in those 10 weeks. Argh. I will be so thankful when Phoebe is home and our family is whole.

Today, I was able to spend about an hour and a half with Little Miss at the hospital. She had a pretty good day. She did have a couple "bradys" (bradycardic episodes when her heart rate drops) and some "desats" (low oxygen rate) but those are apparently to be expected with preemies. She's eating about an ounce of a special higher calorie formula via nasal tube every 3 hours and she's been tolerating those well. She has spit up a few times, but at least for now, they think it is nothing to worry about. Hopefully that will remain the case. The echo last week indicated that her PDA heart murmur closed, but the nurses are still hearing something, so as long as she is asymptomatic, they will just keep an eye on it.

I was able to change her diaper, take her temp, swaddle her and take her out of the incubator myself. It's very intimidating to change the diaper of a tiny little preemie. She doesn't have much of a bum to work with! But we managed and I loved every second of caring for her and holding her. I'll try to remember that in the future when I am half asleep and changing her stinky diapers in the middle of the night.

I called a few minutes ago to check on how she has been, and Phoebe's had a good night. No bradys since around 3:00 this afternoon, no spitting up, still eating well. And she gained an ounce today...so she is 3 lb 13.5 oz. She is almost a full pound bigger than her lowest birth weight. That may not sound like much, but when you are talking about such small amounts, it's a lot. She has increased her size by 1/4. Go, Phoebe!

Here's the pic I took for Chris today:

She's back in the leopard print onesie, sporting a hat handmade by someone from a ministry called the "Knit Wits." :-) Let me just say, people who make it their business to minister to NICU families are angels.

Back on the homefront, we are still trying to get back on schedule and get the house back in order. The house isn't as bad as I thought it would be after 10 weeks of bedrest; that's thanks to all the friends and family who helped us. The boys are still out of sorts a bit, in part because our schedule is still disrupted, but they'll settle. We had school in the dining room today for the first time since finishing 2nd grade in June and it was so nice to get back to our normal routine.

Both Joshua and David somehow convinced me to allow them to choose the Target toy catalog as their bedtime "book" tonight. I think the Christmas excitement is kicking in!

Thanks for reading about our little Phoebe and our family!

New Blog

So...here I am, trying again. I enjoy writing, and have tried writing a blog a couple times in the past. Both times, the other time-consuming activities of life took precedence and I gave up. But now that I have a sweet, tiny daughter in the NICU, I think writing about our experiences will be a healthy way for me to process everything.

I may never write anything interesting. You may never read this again. But I think it will be good for me to share our family's roller coaster ride...so here we go. :-)